don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
