we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize