If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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