I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
