I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
