Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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