According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize