I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
