It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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