I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
