I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
