No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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