we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
