Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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