Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
