Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize