So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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