just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
