babies were throwing up all over the place
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
