omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
