I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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