I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
