LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
