My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
