yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize