she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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