Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
