She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
