i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
