I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My pussy is not your playground.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
