return my video game
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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