Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
