somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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