well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
