it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
