I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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