Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
