I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize