Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
