That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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