fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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