Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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