when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
