the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
