well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
