I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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