six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
