i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize