You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
