I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
