I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
