I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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