i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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