I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
did i walk over a car last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
