No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize