Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
