winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
