i already hear my dad disowning me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
