i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
