my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
