we have pet lesbian snakes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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