I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
