Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
