last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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