We're facebook friends in real life
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
