if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
