whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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