at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
