I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
