Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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