why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
