Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
