If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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