i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
