I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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