no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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