So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
