hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
