It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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