I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
