She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
