there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
