Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
