I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize