honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
